Part 24

GUPTA HOUSEHOLD:

THE GIRLS BEDROOM:

Khushi was sitting on the bed in her night wear ready for bed and just staring into space. Payal entered the room with a glass of water and looked at Khushi. Payal frowned Khushi thinking about something, which was a rare sight. Payal placed the glass on the bedside table and went and sat on her side of the bed and still there was no reaction from Khushi. Now Payal was worried had something happened that was troubling Khushi. She couldn’t stand the thought so she shook Khushi gently by her shoulder and said

“What is it Khushi?”

Khushi turned and looked at Payal and gave a small uncertain smile and immediately lay down on the bed pulled her pillow put it in her Jiji’s lap and settled down with her head on the pillow.

Payal was used to this, whenever they shared important stuff, happy or sad, this was how Khushi would open up to her and let Payal into her thoughts. Khushi would lie down with her head in her lap and talk out all her feelings looking at the stars that they had hung above their bed. So Payal smiled and as she moved Khushi’s hair out of her way so that she could lie down more comfortably and asked her

“Is something bothering you Khushi?”

“mmm Jiji, I wanted to tell you about this for the past few weeks but I never knew how to explain it… mm actually even now I don’t know how to explain it…I think there is something wrong with me.” She finished in a hurried jumbled classic Khushi way.

“Khushi are you not feeling well? What do you mean by something is wrong with you?” Payal asked her tone calm but her emotions still seeping into her dialogue.

“No Jiji I think I am ok.. but it’s just these feelings, I can’t think straight, I forget what I want to say, I feel like… I feel like …mmm forget it Jiji” Khushi was squirming in bed trying to put into words all she feels and trying to describe all the emotions.

Khushi stopped took a deep breath and asked “Jiji What is the difference between love and infatuation?”

Payal smiled and thought “Finally…God…Thank you…. Finally it’s happening!!”. She had waited for her sister to have these feelings for a long time, but Khushi never seemed to have them, she was always the little girl with no idea of the power of hormones or emotions for the opposite gender, she completely skipped that stage.

When Khushi was 16, there were boys who lived in their neighborhood and in her class who used to be interested in her and Khushi used to be so oblivious to their intentions. Not that she wanted Khushi to fall in love at that age but it’s normal for all girls to have a crush and to try hard to be in the good books of their crush. Payal believed its part of development and every person needed to go through it to prepare for life but she had never witnessed Khushi have a crush.

In the beginning Payal used to think that Khushi was just hiding her feelings well. But as the years passed Khushi stayed the same and Payal had realized, Khushi truly hadn’t grown up yet. Khushi had never had a crush Ofcourse, Salman Khanji was the only exception.

When that realization happened she became more protective of Khushi, Payal knew having such tender feelings get crushed is a sad-hard thing to go through and with Khushi’s innocence added in she knew Khushi would break and break really hard.

She had cautioned Khushi time and again about the boys who might be interested in her in her college but Khushi had blown her off saying, “aaawww… Jiji you always get the wrong idea, he was just being nice that’s all.”

And when the boy did end up proposing to Khushi, she used to be so shocked that she would make and eat a mountain of Jelabi’s and say, “Jiji I don’t think I love him, I don’t feel any different about him than I feel about any other boy I know. It should be different right Jiji, I will feel the difference when I am in love right Jiji.”

Then she would feel sorry for the boy and get worried about his feelings and say “Jiji if he is really in love with me and I say no I will really hurt him Jiji. Maybe I should just say yes….” And that is when Payal would step in and say “Khushi you will hurt him more if you say yes now without truly loving him. It won’t last Khushi.”

Payal knew Khushi believed in love but she also knew Khushi believed in the institution of marriage more. Khushi had said that her Devi maiyya would send her a husband she would fall in love with or her Devi maiyya would make sure she falls in love with a person who would end up as her husband.

And now finally it was happening Khushi was asking her about infatuation and love, finally her sister was stepping into the world of new feelings and emotions. She came out of her thoughts when Khushi slightly shook her and said “Jiji??”

“Love and infatuation… hmm…you can never say Khushi it’s different for each person. But if you ask me I would say, love is far deeper than an infatuation in terms of trust and selflessness. If you are in love and he asks you to do something you will trust him completely and won’t think twice about doing what he asked. In love you will always put his happiness before yours. If you are truly in love and you realize his happiness is elsewhere you will set him free. These things won’t even arise in an infatuation. Infatuation is more about being attracted to how they look and how they behave and other superficial things. But I wouldn’t say infatuation is useless, in many cases it is the first step towards true love.”

Payal saw Khushi listen to her with utmost concentration and then she asked Khushi gently “Why are you asking me all this Khushi?”

“mmm… nothing Jiji, Lavanya said she might be falling in love with Nanheji.. so it got me thinking.. that’s all… ok goodnight Jiji.” Khushi said and got up and settled on her side of the bed and turned away from Payal and closed her eyes.

Payal knew that was not all that was on Khushi’s mind and decided that Khushi would tell her in her own time and said goodnight and settled down.

***********************

Khushi tried and tried but her thoughts were going back to the same person again and again. She had never before in her life spent so much time thinking. She didn’t know why in just a few encounters he had become such a major part in her life.

Since the day she looked into his eyes, nothing looked the same to her. She was scared of the funny feelings he generated in her and she wanted to be away from him. She remembered how she had run away from him like a fool the first time they met just terrified of dealing with her own feelings. When she had calmed down that night, she had scolded herself for behaving like an idiot in front of him.

She remembered the time when she had seen him enter the restaurant with a beautiful lady on his arm and she had felt another new feeling, a feeling that was a mixture of hurt, loss and hopelessness had stung her heart and she couldn’t figure out why. She had immediately picked up her book and tried hard to ignore his presence in the room.

Eventually, she had got engrossed in the story till the little boy had come up to her to ask her if he could eat with her as his parents were talking only big people stuff and he felt bored with them. After the little boy was at her table she had almost forgot his presence in the room excluding an uneasy feeling at the pit of her stomach, until he stood up to leave and she had stared at his back till she could no longer see him.

She had come home that night and thought about it real hard. She was not supposed to feel like this about someone she didn’t know. So she had vowed to never let him affect her like this anymore. He had his life with the girl he was with and she would build her own without him in it.

But then again this morning when she realized that the engagement was at his home, the feelings returned with a vengeance. Even the thought that he would be there put her in such a nervous state that she had earned herself double the amount of “Sanka Devi’s” from buaji. She had finally given up running away from her feelings and had walked up to her Devi Maiyya and begged her to not let him be at home.

Devi Maiyya who usually ignores most of her wishes had chosen to grant her this wish and he was not at home and didn’t return till just before she left. She remembered how after the engagement Naniji had asked Aakashji to show them around the house and all of the younsters were shown around the beautiful house. But what made her love the house was the pool in the middle of the house and the beautiful garden that surrounded it. It looked like a beautiful oasis in a harsh desert. She had felt at peace, happy and content standing there in the middle of the garden. She felt at home surrounded by a strange harmony.

When she had gone to touch one of the plants Aakashji had told her to be careful and not pluck anything because every plant in that garden was planted and taken care by his brother and he would know even if one leaf was removed from them. He went on to tell her that his brother spent his free time tending to them and taking care of them. He had said that this was where his brother relaxed away from his hectic schedule.

Khushi had realized that his heart lay there in this garden amidst his plants, the source of his happiness was here and she liked to be there. When the rest of the party had moved on to see the rest of the house, she asked them to go ahead as she wanted to spend some more time there.

She sat there thinking about him. How gentle his heart would be if he could tend to these plants with such care. She had also seen how much his family revered him, he must be their strength how strong his heart would be to be the support system for so many people. Thanks to Lavanya, she already knew how much he had achieved in life, she realized he had the heart of a lion to face the world at such a tender age and to win it on his terms. She admired the many facets in him.

Today at the engagement party Khushi realized that he would be a semi constant figure in her life as Nanheji and Lavanya were settling down in India and also she had overheard her mom promising Naniji to visit her as frequently as possible. So there was no way to run away from him or avoid him.

Then she decided that she would rather bury her feelings and make him an acquaintance rather than let her feelings come in the way and destroy any decent thing they might ever share. Sitting there on the swing she had decided that the next time she meets him she would be cordial to him and not act crazy. So she took a deep breath and let go of whatever feelings she had for him and resolved that she would be just herself if she were to meet him again.

After gathering her thoughts she looked up to her parents in the sky for approval and smiled when they twinkled at her. She realized that she could see the moon and the stars in the pool too. So she had got up and walked over to the pool and sat down at its edge to see her parent’s reflection in it.

That’s when she heard him enter, she somehow knew it was him even before she looked up to meet his eyes. An involuntary shiver had gone down her spine at the look in his eyes but when he had walked over to the swing and untangled her dupatta she had taken a deep breath to steady herself and reminded herself about throwing away her feelings and behaving normally. So she had gathered her strength and taken the first step forward to start a normal conversation.

And now after talking to her jiji about infatuation and love. She asked herself do you trust him so much you would you do anything he asked and her immediate reply was an uncertain NO. Khushi sighed a relieved sigh happy that it was not love that she felt for him so it didn’t bother her anymore that she decided to chuck away her feelings. She turned towards her jiji cuddled up to her and fell into a deep slumber.

She ignored the uncertainty in her own answer. She had also conveniently forgotten the part that her Jiji said about infatuation being the first step to true love.