GUPTA HOUSEHOLD:
THE GIRLS BEDROOM:
Khushi was sitting
on the bed in her night wear ready for bed and just staring into space. Payal entered
the room with a glass of water and looked at Khushi. Payal frowned Khushi thinking
about something, which was a rare sight. Payal placed the glass on the bedside
table and went and sat on her side of the bed and still there was no reaction
from Khushi. Now Payal was worried had something happened that was troubling
Khushi. She couldn’t stand the thought so she shook Khushi gently by her
shoulder and said
“What is it
Khushi?”
Khushi turned and
looked at Payal and gave a small uncertain smile and immediately lay down on
the bed pulled her pillow put it in her Jiji’s lap and settled down with her
head on the pillow.
Payal was used to
this, whenever they shared important stuff, happy or sad, this was how Khushi would
open up to her and let Payal into her thoughts. Khushi would lie down with her
head in her lap and talk out all her feelings looking at the stars that they
had hung above their bed. So Payal smiled and as she moved Khushi’s hair out of
her way so that she could lie down more comfortably and asked her
“Is something
bothering you Khushi?”
“mmm Jiji, I
wanted to tell you about this for the past few weeks but I never knew how to
explain it… mm actually even now I don’t know how to explain it…I think there
is something wrong with me.” She finished in a hurried jumbled classic Khushi
way.
“Khushi are you
not feeling well? What do you mean by something is wrong with you?” Payal asked
her tone calm but her emotions still seeping into her dialogue.
“No Jiji I think I
am ok.. but it’s just these feelings, I can’t think straight, I forget what I
want to say, I feel like… I feel like …mmm forget it Jiji” Khushi was squirming
in bed trying to put into words all she feels and trying to describe all the
emotions.
Khushi stopped
took a deep breath and asked “Jiji What is the difference between love and
infatuation?”
Payal smiled and
thought “Finally…God…Thank you…. Finally
it’s happening!!”. She had waited for her sister to have these feelings for
a long time, but Khushi never seemed to have them, she was always the little
girl with no idea of the power of hormones or emotions for the opposite gender,
she completely skipped that stage.
When Khushi was
16, there were boys who lived in their neighborhood and in her class who used
to be interested in her and Khushi used to be so oblivious to their intentions.
Not that she wanted Khushi to fall in love at that age but it’s normal for all
girls to have a crush and to try hard to be in the good books of their crush.
Payal believed its part of development and every person needed to go through it
to prepare for life but she had never witnessed Khushi have a crush.
In the beginning
Payal used to think that Khushi was just hiding her feelings well. But as the
years passed Khushi stayed the same and Payal had realized, Khushi truly hadn’t
grown up yet. Khushi had never had a crush Ofcourse, Salman Khanji was the only
exception.
When that
realization happened she became more protective of Khushi, Payal knew having such
tender feelings get crushed is a sad-hard thing to go through and with Khushi’s
innocence added in she knew Khushi would break and break really hard.
She had cautioned
Khushi time and again about the boys who might be interested in her in her
college but Khushi had blown her off saying, “aaawww… Jiji you always get the
wrong idea, he was just being nice that’s all.”
And when the boy
did end up proposing to Khushi, she used to be so shocked that she would make
and eat a mountain of Jelabi’s and say, “Jiji I don’t think I love him, I don’t
feel any different about him than I feel about any other boy I know. It should
be different right Jiji, I will feel the difference when I am in love right
Jiji.”
Then she would
feel sorry for the boy and get worried about his feelings and say “Jiji if he
is really in love with me and I say no I will really hurt him Jiji. Maybe I
should just say yes….” And that is when Payal would step in and say “Khushi you
will hurt him more if you say yes now without truly loving him. It won’t last
Khushi.”
Payal knew Khushi
believed in love but she also knew Khushi believed in the institution of
marriage more. Khushi had said that her Devi maiyya would send her a husband
she would fall in love with or her Devi maiyya would make sure she falls in
love with a person who would end up as her husband.
And now finally it
was happening Khushi was asking her about infatuation and love, finally her
sister was stepping into the world of new feelings and emotions. She came out
of her thoughts when Khushi slightly shook her and said “Jiji??”
“Love and infatuation…
hmm…you can never say Khushi it’s different for each person. But if you ask me
I would say, love is far deeper than an infatuation in terms of trust and
selflessness. If you are in love and he asks you to do something you will trust
him completely and won’t think twice about doing what he asked. In love you
will always put his happiness before yours. If you are truly in love and you
realize his happiness is elsewhere you will set him free. These things won’t
even arise in an infatuation. Infatuation is more about being attracted to how
they look and how they behave and other superficial things. But I wouldn’t say
infatuation is useless, in many cases it is the first step towards true love.”
Payal saw Khushi
listen to her with utmost concentration and then she asked Khushi gently “Why
are you asking me all this Khushi?”
“mmm… nothing
Jiji, Lavanya said she might be falling in love with Nanheji.. so it got me
thinking.. that’s all… ok goodnight Jiji.” Khushi said and got up and settled
on her side of the bed and turned away from Payal and closed her eyes.
Payal knew that
was not all that was on Khushi’s mind and decided that Khushi would tell her in
her own time and said goodnight and settled down.
***********************
Khushi tried and
tried but her thoughts were going back to the same person again and again. She
had never before in her life spent so much time thinking. She didn’t know why
in just a few encounters he had become such a major part in her life.
Since the day she
looked into his eyes, nothing looked the same to her. She was scared of the
funny feelings he generated in her and she wanted to be away from him. She
remembered how she had run away from him like a fool the first time they met
just terrified of dealing with her own feelings. When she had calmed down that
night, she had scolded herself for behaving like an idiot in front of him.
She remembered the
time when she had seen him enter the restaurant with a beautiful lady on his
arm and she had felt another new feeling, a feeling that was a mixture of hurt,
loss and hopelessness had stung her heart and she couldn’t figure out why. She
had immediately picked up her book and tried hard to ignore his presence in the
room.
Eventually, she
had got engrossed in the story till the little boy had come up to her to ask
her if he could eat with her as his parents were talking only big people stuff
and he felt bored with them. After the little boy was at her table she had
almost forgot his presence in the room excluding an uneasy feeling at the pit
of her stomach, until he stood up to leave and she had stared at his back till
she could no longer see him.
She had come home
that night and thought about it real hard. She was not supposed to feel like
this about someone she didn’t know. So she had vowed to never let him affect
her like this anymore. He had his life with the girl he was with and she would
build her own without him in it.
But then again
this morning when she realized that the engagement was at his home, the
feelings returned with a vengeance. Even the thought that he would be there put
her in such a nervous state that she had earned herself double the amount of
“Sanka Devi’s” from buaji. She had finally given up running away from her
feelings and had walked up to her Devi Maiyya and begged her to not let him be
at home.
Devi Maiyya who
usually ignores most of her wishes had chosen to grant her this wish and he was
not at home and didn’t return till just before she left. She remembered how
after the engagement Naniji had asked Aakashji to show them around the house
and all of the younsters were shown around the beautiful house. But what made
her love the house was the pool in the middle of the house and the beautiful
garden that surrounded it. It looked like a beautiful oasis in a harsh desert.
She had felt at peace, happy and content standing there in the middle of the
garden. She felt at home surrounded by a strange harmony.
When she had gone
to touch one of the plants Aakashji had told her to be careful and not pluck
anything because every plant in that garden was planted and taken care by his
brother and he would know even if one leaf was removed from them. He went on to
tell her that his brother spent his free time tending to them and taking care
of them. He had said that this was where his brother relaxed away from his
hectic schedule.
Khushi had
realized that his heart lay there in this garden amidst his plants, the source
of his happiness was here and she liked to be there. When the rest of the party
had moved on to see the rest of the house, she asked them to go ahead as she
wanted to spend some more time there.
She sat there
thinking about him. How gentle his heart would be if he could tend to these
plants with such care. She had also seen how much his family revered him, he
must be their strength how strong his heart would be to be the support system
for so many people. Thanks to Lavanya, she already knew how much he had
achieved in life, she realized he had the heart of a lion to face the world at
such a tender age and to win it on his terms. She admired the many facets in
him.
Today at the
engagement party Khushi realized that he would be a semi constant figure in her
life as Nanheji and Lavanya were settling down in India and also she had
overheard her mom promising Naniji to visit her as frequently as possible. So
there was no way to run away from him or avoid him.
Then she decided
that she would rather bury her feelings and make him an acquaintance rather
than let her feelings come in the way and destroy any decent thing they might
ever share. Sitting there on the swing she had decided that the next time she
meets him she would be cordial to him and not act crazy. So she took a deep
breath and let go of whatever feelings she had for him and resolved that she
would be just herself if she were to meet him again.
After gathering
her thoughts she looked up to her parents in the sky for approval and smiled when
they twinkled at her. She realized that she could see the moon and the stars in
the pool too. So she had got up and walked over to the pool and sat down at its
edge to see her parent’s reflection in it.
That’s when she
heard him enter, she somehow knew it was him even before she looked up to meet
his eyes. An involuntary shiver had gone down her spine at the look in his eyes
but when he had walked over to the swing and untangled her dupatta she had
taken a deep breath to steady herself and reminded herself about throwing away
her feelings and behaving normally. So she had gathered her strength and taken
the first step forward to start a normal conversation.
And now after
talking to her jiji about infatuation and love. She asked herself do you trust
him so much you would you do anything he asked and her immediate reply was an
uncertain NO. Khushi sighed a relieved sigh happy that it was not love that she
felt for him so it didn’t bother her anymore that she decided to chuck away her
feelings. She turned towards her jiji cuddled up to her and fell into a deep
slumber.
She ignored the uncertainty in her own
answer. She had also conveniently forgotten the part that her Jiji said about
infatuation being the first step to true love.
